2-085 Too soon after breaking up
As it turns out, Kemi wasn’t kidding!
The terror of being bullied
Her ex-boyfriend is named after a kid in my daughter’s (age 10) class. She always feels him to be a bully, yet she kind of likes him. A sort of love-hate-thing I guess. I also think the bullying thing might not be that bad.
As a kid I only was bullied for one year in high school. Needless to say, it was a terrible year. Still, I was lucky. At the the end of the year I befriended a guy who was in the popular group at my school and the bullying stopped. Just like that. In hindsight, I am happy with the experience, and thankful it stopped before it did permanent damage. Peer-pressure, it’s a strange thing, and it doesn’t stop at the end of the school-years. It’s mostly about insecurity, or false security for that matter. Strange how it all works.
Have you ever been bullied…or… have you ever been the bully? Why?
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I spent most of my school years before high school being bullied pretty viciously. It stopped for a bit when I befriended the chief bully, but he was a bad kid in a lot of ways, so hanging around him wasn’t good. Once we had a disagreement, things went back to the way they were.
I was neither athletic nor interested in sports of any kind, but boys are expected to be, so I was always the skinny kid who had strange interests (Dungeons & Dragons, Transformers, Dick Tracy, etc) — a natural target.
To top it off, I went to a small Catholic school (they’re all small — about 475 kids total) from kindergarten through 8th grade. That meant that once you got a reputation among one group of 35 kids (whom you saw every day) in 2nd grade, it followed you forever. I went to a public high school because my parents couldn’t afford private high school tuition, and it was a good thing. Only one person from my grammar school went there with me, and so it was a clean slate. Still, I had been rather stunted, socially, by the previous nine years of isolation (I pretty much had only one or two friends the whole time).
While I wasn’t bullied in high school, I still struggled (few friends, no social life, trouble with girls, etc). A second clean slate when I got to college helped (made friends easier, but they tended to be social misfits like myself), but there are things I still struggle with to this day (such as dating) as I had not laid the expected social foundations in high school and college.
Thank you for sharing your very personal story. I read your comment a few times. I just didn’t know how to respond. It angered and saddened me.
Up to a point I still don’t know. First impuls is wanting to help, realising I don’t know how to. People just don’t know how much damage they can do to others. I hope, better sooner than later, you feel yourself not as a ‘social misfit’, but see yourself as the unique person you are. Though I am convinced that bullying is primary about the weakness of the bully, but the bullied ones are the real victims. I also hope that, even if it is with professional help, you will give this some place in your life. You’re worth it.
Bully or not bully? It’s a real question actually… People sometimes think they’ll get respect or admiration by bullying others… I have to admit I did (I was soft and always under humor cover or self-defense LOL, but I’m not proud of that…) but I realized my mistake and now I follow my “own path”. Anyway you’ll always find someone ready to answer…So, better be nice. In all circumstances.